The Love Movement

Ep 17: When Souls Speak: The Lessons of Loss and Forgiveness

• Brian and Brittany Johnston

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What happens when a profound psychedelic experience opens a gateway to healing family wounds that have festered for decades? Brittany and Brian Johnston share their most vulnerable conversation yet, revealing how a therapeutic mushroom journey on Brittany's 40th birthday unexpectedly unlocked deep compassion for family trauma that had shaped Brian's entire life.

The emotional center of this episode revolves around Brian's sister Shannon, who passed away at four months old in 1977, six years before he was born. During their psilocybin experience, Shannon's presence became palpable, allowing Brian to feel—perhaps for the first time—the devastating grief his parents endured. This revelation transformed his understanding of his father, a man whose unprocessed trauma had manifested as anger and bitterness throughout Brian's childhood.

September 28th carries heavy significance in their family story. Through tears and raw vulnerability, the hosts explore how one tragic moment can ripple through generations, especially when people lack the tools and support to process their grief. Brian shares a recent breakthrough conversation with his estranged father that brought unexpected healing after years of distance.

The conversation expands beyond personal experience to explore Kabbalistic wisdom about why souls leave this world early. 

This episode will resonate deeply with anyone carrying family wounds, processing grief, or interested in how alternative healing modalities can access emotional truths that traditional therapy sometimes cannot reach. Join us for this heart-opening discussion about generational healing, soul connections, and transforming pain into compassion.


David Ghiyam - Kabbalah 

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SPEAKER_00:

You're listening to the love movement with your hosts Britney and Brian Johnston.

SPEAKER_03:

We're starting a movement centered around love to help raise the vibration of this beautiful planet.

SPEAKER_00:

That's your vibe. Hang out with us as we chat about many topics all centered around three main pillars: loving yourself, loving each other, and loving the planet. So if you're ready, let's jump in. Welcome to episode number 17. You probably thought we were never coming back.

SPEAKER_04:

It kind of felt like we weren't coming back.

SPEAKER_00:

Like every episode, we're like, we haven't been here in a long time. You guys, I went back and looked at our podcast. This is so embarrassing because it's like the end of September. We've only released four podcasts.

SPEAKER_04:

We took the summer off, basically.

SPEAKER_00:

Pretty much took most of the year off. The point is, I just said to Brian before we hit record, let's have a gold hit a total of 25 episodes by the end of 2025. So that's like, you know, we can do that.

SPEAKER_04:

I think it's definitely it's definitely 100% doable.

SPEAKER_00:

We need a goal, we need some accountability, and we need to schedule things, uh, especially with the interviews that we have in our minds. We just haven't scheduled them in. Um, they're not gonna be recording with us at quarter to 10 at night like this podcast is being recorded.

SPEAKER_04:

And that's on West Coast time. So they're not gonna be recording yet like midnight.

SPEAKER_00:

The middle of the night. But honestly, you guys, this podcast was always um something that we didn't want to have pressure on ourselves to do. It's a lot of setup when two of us have to be here to do the podcast and our kid has to be sleeping and we have to not be falling asleep. So we just felt like today is a very important day that we had to get um a certain message out today. So where do you want to start with this? Because we'll get to why September 28th is an important day as we go.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh yeah. So there's a lot of energy about today in my family. Um but I think what we need to do is just talk about kind of how the topic came up about doing a podcast about this. And it all started with your 40th birthday.

SPEAKER_00:

It did. So rewind to basically two months ago exactly, July 31st, I turned 40. And earlier in the month I had a really fun surprise weekend with my girlfriends. That's like maybe a podcast episode for later time. But on my actual birthday, Brian's gift to me was an overnight stay at one of our favorite places up island, uh, Villa Irie or Erie. I don't even know how to say it, but we loved there. And he also gave me this chocolate, of course, nice card.

SPEAKER_04:

And then in this little box was uh little packages of mushrooms.

SPEAKER_00:

So I knew what that meant. We were going an overnight to our favorite place, and we were each gonna do a gram of mushrooms because it is like therapy that you could never get at a therapist's office.

SPEAKER_04:

There's no way any other experience would even compare. Like it's yeah, it's it's it's very it's deep.

SPEAKER_00:

And if you are somebody who's never listened to our podcast, go back to like where this psilocybin sort of journey began. Because I was the girl who looked at mushrooms as that's a drug and was scared to death of it, but I saw all the insight and the work, the personal growth Brian was doing through using psilocybin in a very therapeutic way that I became jealous, and then I started my own journey. So this, you know, when you do one gram, it's more of like it's not as deep of a journey. It's not really like a personal journey, like as a per one person doing it. We do it together, it's more social. Like it was fun last time and it was funny. I felt like I was a comedian.

SPEAKER_04:

You were you're really funny. And this uh that what we're gonna talk about in this episode isn't about the mushrooms. About mushrooms. It's kind of what they brought about and let in that journey.

SPEAKER_00:

In that journey and kind of And it was not what we expected. Like, how would you summarize that night?

SPEAKER_04:

Um I thought it was gonna be similar to the last time we did it. And you know, when you do in a journey like this together, it's it's very it's like two souls melting into one. It's very loving. It's just, I don't know, you really can express yourself more. You your true feelings about the other person come out, your things that you don't say on a day-to-day basis. Like it's like your heart opens up and you're very vulnerable with the other person.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's a very deep connection.

SPEAKER_04:

It's a yeah, it's a very deep connection. And at the end of the night, it turned a little different.

SPEAKER_00:

Like sad. We literally went through a Kleenex box of just the amount that we cried was unexpected.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. It was mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_00:

And I wish we would have recorded this episode right after when it was all fresh in our mind, and neither of us really properly journaled about it, which is part of the integration work that you should do, which we didn't do, um, because I'm feeling a little fuzzy on some of the details. But I know the main part of what we want to share from that journey is kind of gonna lead us into why today's an important date in your family. And it was something that we weren't really sure to talk about because to be honest, um, like we don't want to offend anybody, family-wise, especially, with this message. But I think the message is more important as this podcast is about spreading love. And when you talk about things that are super vulnerable and lessons that we've learned, I feel like it's our job to share that. Like it's, you know, kind of how dare our how dare we keep that in when our message could help someone else.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, and I don't have any notes for today.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there this is literally you guys quarter to 10 at night. Brian probably responds to go to bed. But we had the setup, we just got talking too long about what we're gonna talk about. And so we just we just hit record and this is gonna go wherever it's gonna go. I just remember for me, one thing that's kind of just about the journey was I heard this, it was almost like an audible voice. Like it wasn't, but it was in my head on repeat. And it was just like saying over and over, this isn't yours to carry. This isn't yours to carry. And it made me feel like I carry a lot of other people's what's the word?

SPEAKER_04:

Um their burdens. Yeah. Like the struggles that they're going through, you tend to want to help them and fix it, but you bring it on as like your own struggle and it weighs you down.

SPEAKER_00:

And at that time, there was some, you know, certain specific things that were going on that I was holding on to and carrying that I knew weren't mine to carry, and I had to, and I have since gotten rid of some of that. And just a good reminder for me, if if that was like my higher self talking, it's like this isn't yours to carry. And then at one point, you were like rubbing my chest almost, and you were like, I had this really weird vision. And I was like, okay, tell them that.

SPEAKER_04:

So I yeah, I was just kind of laying beside her and I was rubbing kind of like kind of like top of her chest by your sternum, kind of on her like declete. Yeah. And it was just like, I don't know what I was doing with my hand. It was really strange, moving it around and around and around. And all of a sudden, I just kind of looked at her and it wasn't her. She was like she was like a man, but she was someone I was laying beside that had just like died in like a a war or a battle or something like that. And there was like this, it was like a hairy chest.

SPEAKER_00:

Suddenly I had a hairy chest.

SPEAKER_04:

It was like a hairy chest, but it was all bloody. And you were just, it's like I was witnessing I was laying beside someone who just got injured or died in like a battle. It was I it was freaking weird. Let me just tell you that.

SPEAKER_00:

But then you started like almost, it was like you were pulling something out of the invisible hair, you guys that don't have hair too.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it was it was strange, guys. Let me just tell you that.

SPEAKER_00:

But you're pulling it out, and as you were doing, like it's like you were pulling something out. I felt like a weight was being lifted from me. It's almost like you're pulling something or someone, or I don't know what out of me.

SPEAKER_04:

And she didn't know what I was seeing at that point when you're feeling that.

SPEAKER_00:

It's so weird. So that was just like one little thing that I remember from my experience in the journey. And then it kind of turned to you got very emotional. And I guess you need to explain. And this kind of circles to what this the date September 28th means. So I don't know how you want to go about this.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah. So at one point, um, it was, you know, everything started to like wear off. And I'm like, okay, well, it's we're close to the end. So I got up, went to the bathroom, and I was like, yeah, it's definitely it's starting to wear off for sure. And I went and laid back down, and there was this song playing with this.

SPEAKER_00:

It was a new song.

SPEAKER_04:

It was a new song that I just put on the the mushroom playlist, and it was this very soft voice. And what was it saying again?

SPEAKER_00:

It said it's hard for the heart to say goodbye.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, hard for the heart to say goodbye, and it's like really soft, like melodic, neat tones. Like it was just a soft song. And I just all of a sudden got this. I laid back down, I got this insane, overwhelming feeling of my sister be like beside me. And then I had a picture of me at my desk um working, and she grabbed my arm, just like she did in my very first journey. She grabbed my arm and she's like, she's just like, I'm always there with you.

SPEAKER_00:

No, she said she said, Don't forget about me, I'm right here.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah, don't forget about me, I'm right here. But on that first one, oh yeah first the first journey I had, like she grabbed my arm, and it wasn't her, it was like her energy just took hold of my arm. And then I just started feeling I could feel her presence, and then I started feeling like she okay, so back up a little bit. So she passed away. If if you didn't listen to that episode when I talked about her, she passed away six years before I was born when she was about four and a half months old.

SPEAKER_00:

So it would have been 1979?

SPEAKER_04:

77.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, 77, about a math.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, so 1977. Um my parents were very young, they were still in their teens.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow.

SPEAKER_04:

And yeah, I what I felt then was like the pain my parents felt when they lost her. And I was just overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_00:

You were crying so hard you couldn't even um breathe. You know, people cry so deep in like in their gut, it's like they can't even catch a breath. That's how you were crying.

SPEAKER_04:

I was just like uh Yeah, take your breath away, blubbering cry. And I just was feeling all this pain that my parents felt. And like I can't I know it wasn't the same as they actually felt in that moment, but that's what it I could compare it to or relate to is the pain that they were feeling. And it was it was coming through me, though.

SPEAKER_00:

And I and I'm laying beside you, and like Brian said in the beginning, your souls sort of feel like they merge into one. So it's like everything he was feeling, I was feeling so deeply too. So then I was crying like we were both just sitting there deeply sobbing about this because obviously now we have our own kid, so it puts a whole other level of like realism to what your parents felt.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Our son's four and a half, but it's like, and then I remember you saying to me, they lost their fucking child. They lost their child, Brittany.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like you said it in such a tone that it was like let that sink in. Yeah, like, oh my god, like they actually lost a child. A baby, a four-month-old.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, this is getting hard to talk about again right now.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like it's because her presence is here again right now. I feel like she is always around you and so close and near to us. And that's the thing about the spiritual realm, you guys. It's like three feet from us. It's accessible all the time, but we act like it's not. And a lot of times, I mean, I've been with you, we we've been together for 25 years this year. And I really only ever hear Shannon, that was her name, when you talk about her. No one else really talks about her ever.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's like that part makes me sad because I know it's probably just a coping mechanism to not bring it up, to not talk about it, to not feel the feelings. But she was a soul that was on this planet for four months for a purpose. And I don't think that her existence should be not spoken of. And like maybe that's why she keeps coming to you. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't know. Like that one first journey I had, um, I felt her energy because it was like we shared a womb space with in my mom. Yeah. Is really a strange thing. But when I first found out about this, I was in grade six, and I don't think I ever really fully grasped the whole concept of having a sister and passing away. So maybe that was just some something in me that was unresolved that this journey allowed me to work through a little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I guess we need to circle this back to a little bit too. Like, I don't know if you want to share how she passed or the date, like this date, because this is the anniversary of her her death of her passing.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So she uh was in a crib. The crib was faulty, she fell out of it through the side, hit her head, and uh yeah, she basically was stained brain dead after that and passed away.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, and you wonder like why do horrific things like this happen? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Like why Yeah, my dad was was was home alone with her at the time.

SPEAKER_00:

Which I think leads to a whole lifetime of insane guilt for him. And like you said, they were young who gave them tools to help cope or deal with any of this.

SPEAKER_04:

Aaron Powell Yeah, and we'll we'll get into some of that too. Because I actually um had a conversation with him a couple weeks ago about this whole thing.

SPEAKER_00:

Aaron Powell Well, and again, because if if you guys don't know us, you probably have no idea about any of this background. You're gonna be like, oh, this is really your life. Like it everybody's got their own bag of shit going through life with or that they've grown up with. And it's like the other weird thing about September 28th is I don't know if you want to share that at this point.

SPEAKER_04:

Um so 2010, just before uh we got married, um this exact same date.

SPEAKER_00:

September 28th.

SPEAKER_04:

September 28th. My uh my dad tried to um kill himself as well. And he was not successful with it.

SPEAKER_00:

Aaron Ross Powell So he's still alive?

SPEAKER_04:

He's still alive. He's in uh he's in a home. Um just living in uh yeah, like a retirement old folks' home, basically.

SPEAKER_00:

And sadly, speaking of all this loss we're talking about all of a sudden, but I mean loss is a part of life. You were just back in Saskatchewan for the first time since we moved to the island three years ago almost for your grandma's funeral, and you actually did take some time and go see your dad, which you haven't seen him in.

SPEAKER_04:

I haven't seen him in four years, probably or more. About four years.

SPEAKER_00:

And prior to that was probably another four years. Like you don't you don't see each other often.

SPEAKER_04:

No. Uh so with him, he's always been a very like angry man, he's resentful, he's just mad about everything all the time, which is why I don't talk to him. Um I had I forgave him about everything. Uh I think we did a podcast on forgiveness. Yep. Uh I just choose not to talk to him because he always brings the brings stuff up, and it's hard to stay forgiving with someone when they're always like stirring up the past. So I just distance myself so I don't have to be in that energy anymore. Because it's I don't want it.

SPEAKER_00:

Well and you're so sensitive to energy.

SPEAKER_04:

Very. So um yeah, I went and had a conversation with him. I went and visited him when I was uh when I was there. And it was I didn't know what to expect, but it was a over two hours.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, actually wait, you have to pause because there was a point in going back to the mushroom journey that bef this would have been before your dad um attempted suicide, he like him and your mom weren't together, and you were helping him get like his own place. Yes. This was a huge part of the journey, actually, that I think you need to stay with it.

SPEAKER_04:

It is a very part. So right after we were talking about um my sister and we were feeling that pain of her loss, um, I felt I seen my dad just sitting on a couch. And what had happened after, you know, he got kicked out of the house and he was in uh, you know, the mental ward of the hospital, he got kicked out of there, and I went and got him a house and um like a basement suite and I set everything up for him, got him furniture, cleaned the house up, dishes, food, like I set him up like a parent with their child, right? Yeah. And he was just sitting there on a like in a ball on laying on the couch, just like a I don't know. I was at the time I was like, you're being a pathetic little bitch, basically. Yeah. And during this journey, I flashed to that, and I'm like, the dude only all he needed was a fucking hug.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So like all of that anger turned into just immense compassion.

SPEAKER_04:

I had so much compassion for him because getting emotional again, but I felt because I could feel the pain that he was feeling when you lose a child, and I could see that that was like a pivotal moment in his life that completely changed his demeanor from what my family said. And I just seen him from a different light. I seen him through compassion, and I'm like, man, the guy just needed some love. It's literally all he needed.

SPEAKER_00:

And I mean, I've carried around a lot of anger towards him for a long time too. And I just feel like that whole journey, it just all of it melted away and vanished. And it's like it's only replaced by complete and utter compassion for I feel so sad for what he had to witness that day and go through.

SPEAKER_04:

Like I literally holy So this like I said, this this episode isn't about psychedelics. No.

SPEAKER_00:

It's about But look what psychedelics brought out.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. So it brought out yes, it brought out some stuff that's painful, but the healing that happens through a channel like this is very powerful. So going back to when I I went to see your dad. Yeah, I went and seen him. I he told me straight up, which he never has told anyone before, about the day he tried to kill himself and what happened. Like it was no BS this time. It was just he just he told me exactly what what happened, why he did it. He just couldn't do it anymore. There was yeah, there's a lot of factors. I'm not gonna get into those details, but um so and he just started bawling.

SPEAKER_00:

He was Have you ever seen your dad cry?

SPEAKER_04:

No, I don't think so. He just started crying about that. And then later on, I talked about how I just I just brought up uh mushrooms a little bit, because I know he did some back in like the 80s, 70s, probably.

SPEAKER_00:

Different kind of mushrooms, probably. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Um, and and uh he you know was telling me his experience, and I was just saying, okay, well, I've you know, I started doing it kind of like a uh a therapeutic style mushroom journeys and stuff, and then I I said uh Shannon came to me a couple times, and oh my god, he freaking broke down as soon as I said her name and he started bawling again, like really hard. And he just like uncontrollably bent over, just sobbing about it. He just he said, and then he started to tell me about her. Um he said, I think about it all the time. He said, I can just be standing there in a doorway, and I think about her, and I just start crying. And it's explained his whole life that he and I I said to him at one point, I said, You d did you have anyone to help you? Did you have any like tools? Or were you just left on your own? He's like, We had nothing. He's like, this insane thing happens to you, and you know, this is in the 70s, right? And they had nothing. They had no tools, they had no help, they had no support.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, probably why they didn't talk about it, because you like probably shouldn't. It's shameful.

SPEAKER_04:

It's yeah, all he had, all he had was there was family members and stuff making up stories about he did it on purpose and he killed her and like stuff like that. Not was Do you think that's gonna be helpful in someone's healing?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, God you know, and how how old was your dad when she passed?

SPEAKER_04:

Um he would have been like I don't know, nineteen?

unknown:

Like that.

SPEAKER_04:

No, he would have been twenty.

SPEAKER_00:

Picture yourself as a twenty-year-old.

SPEAKER_04:

No, you're still a kid.

SPEAKER_00:

You're literally a kid trying to raise a kid, an accident happens, and it literally destroys your entire life and whether you know it or not.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So he's because how old is he now?

SPEAKER_04:

Sixty Um He is sixty-seven, yeah, turned sixty-eight, I think, something like that. So it affected his life in a way that he was just bitter and angry and resentful all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

He said something to you about how how much he loved you and your brother and was trying to protect you, but you said how it came off not that way.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, he he's a little bit delusional. He's a little bit he's definitely got some mental problems, right? But he said he everything that he did was to protect us. He's like, no one can get hurt. You gotta gotta be safe. And he was just But the way he did things was not totally not right. It's not how the feeling came off, no, the feeling came out off totally Yeah, you're a total angry asshole your whole life. And that was the sentiment that I had towards him for the longest time. Um until I, you know, started doing this work with with uh psychedelics and started that really deep forgiveness process, and now I just see him like I'm just so sad for his life and what happened and what didn't happen in regards to his healing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and something else I wanted to share, and this is again a whole other topic, but we've recently gotten into studying Kabbalah, which is basically just ancient wisdom that even predates all religion. It's just such good information that we've been learning. We've been learning it mainly through David Guillaume. And so I follow David Guillaume. We can link that in the show notes. Um, and there's this one post that he put out on what was the date? September 12th. And the the caption or whatever says, according to the sages, there are five reasons that souls leave this world. Um, and it's actually ranked by the least common to the most common. I didn't read that part. So five is carrying the generation's weight. I won't read that. But number four is children's passing. So under 12 if you're a girl, and under 13 if you're a boy. So this is what it says. These are angelic souls who never needed correction for themselves. They volunteer to descend only to elevate their parents and community. Their short lives are not an accident, but rather they are sparks of light sent to awaken greater compassion, unity, and transformation in those around them. The Kabbalists teach that such souls are like candles, small flames that ignite many others. Their existence, even if brief, shifts destinies beyond what we can comprehend. We honor these souls by alchemizing our plan, our pain into personal growth and transformation, which is obviously what you're doing. We elevate our happiness, certainty, and service to others, and this is what allows these souls to come back to us in many ways. I have like when I read that and I thought of your sister, and I think of a lot of people, you know, I don't know not that I know a lot of people, but if you've lost a child, it's just interesting that if the soul is that age, that they're actually here just to teach a lesson. But how many people miss the lesson and think that this event happened to them and therefore ruined their life or it's caused them to become numb to all emotions and feelings for the rest of their life?

SPEAKER_04:

Oh man, when you're in that deep a pain, it's it's hard to look at anything through any other lens than the pain, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like she's coming to you repeatedly because you are figuring out what this lesson in this is and her soul is not being forgotten, her lesson is being learned. And even through us sharing this, I mean, maybe your dad will listen to this, hopefully your mom is listening to this, that there's still lessons to learn from this horrible passing. And that it's not too late to ever learn it.

SPEAKER_04:

And I mean, I tried to talk to him about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And uh I mean it seems like far-fetched for some. No, it does. And it's like everything is, you know, the story you make up about it, it can either serve you or it it it won't, right? So if you look at something through a lens that, okay, well, this horrible thing was here to help me in a way, you know, where's the the gift? Where's the seed?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And that can help you grow through something. So if you can if you can shift your your train of thought and your perspective to something good, then it's gonna help you no matter what. But I just try to tell him like that's our you know, we we have these souls and the soul group, and I think we talked about it in another episode. We have the soul group and everything was kind of planned out. And, you know, this whole event, as horrible as it is, it was planned out for a reason to help us grow, and our soul is here to evolve uh in you know, our lifetimes, every lifetime is is used to for the evolution of your soul. And uh I can't remember exactly how he explained it. It was a very dumbed-down, simple way to explain it to him, and he just he's like, I don't see it like that. I'm like, well, he wouldn't. There's a lot of people it's it's a new, it's a totally different way of thinking of things, which seems weird.

SPEAKER_00:

To have a growth mindset to even open up your eyes to learn something like what we've learned through Kabbalah and just like learning about the soul, which we've been learning about for a long time. Since we started reading that book, Your Soul is Plot.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, everything sounds far-fetched if you don't have an open mind.

SPEAKER_00:

But a lot of people have fixed minds, right? Where it's like they believe that they know yes or right, yes or no, wrong or right, and like you can't change them. And so that's another part of our lesson is like we can't change everybody that we wish we could. Um, but also it's it's not too late ever to go from having a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. And I would encourage anybody, if any of this Kabbalah chat, which we'll do another episode, maybe, maybe tomorrow. Just keep the setup here. We'll do it tomorrow. Um, I I think about Kabbalah every single day, the concept of the light in the vessel that he talks about. And I just think of this whole thing with your sister and just like how she keeps coming to you because I feel like her soul needs to teach the lesson. And she probably feels like it hasn't taught the lesson because like no one even speaks of her. And she just keeps coming to you because like you're the vessel that's going to here we are, talking about on a podcast, maybe helping healing and awareness for other people who have lost a loved one, whether it was a child or not. I mean, my aunt, she's buried three of her four kids. Like in what world is, and I remember her saying to me, God will never give you more than you can handle. And I remember saying to her, Well, I hope that he knows I can't handle much. Because how she still gets up and goes on her day and focuses on the one kid that she still does have and grandkids and all the other things is beyond me. But like that was also her soul's plan. And so it's interesting too, because back to this post, number three reason is suicide. And this was interesting. And I know I think everybody knows someone who has suffered with either suicidal thoughts or who has completed the task of suicide. So this one probably hits close to home, but this is perhaps the most tragic form of departure because the soul chooses to leave before its correction is complete. The correction remains, and the soul must return to face the same exact lessons again. Yet even here, the creator's compassion is infinite. The soul is not condemned, but rather guided, embraced, and given another chance. For us who remain, the consciousness is twofold. First, to cultivate empathy and love, knowing that we cannot judge the unseen battles of another soul, and second, to strengthen our certainty, because no matter how dark life feels, light is always concealed within it. The moment you feel the desire to take your own life, know that you have been in this exact moment, thousands of lifetimes before. Don't give up, for you are a high soul, hence why your darkness is great, but it's temporary. Reach out for support. The creator has a great gift waiting for you, even if you don't see it now. Have you ever thought about suicide like that? And it's because I've sat here for 15 years as your dad has been sitting in this old folks' home, just sitting there, literally, thinking, what kind of punishment is that? That that has to be worse than him actually, you know, having actually committed suicide. Like this is tor it feels like torture.

SPEAKER_04:

He was trapped in a 10 by 10 room all day, every day.

SPEAKER_00:

But like maybe there's still a chance that his soul is gonna learn something because he didn't succeed in the suicide.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, is that maybe the reason?

SPEAKER_04:

That's what we can hope for, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, that's a story that serves us.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, he's sitting there and us seeing him sit there, our view of him has shifted from anger to love and compassion.

SPEAKER_00:

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_04:

Empathy. 100%. Because we couldn't see the world through his eyes. No. Now I can see what he's been seeing this whole time. And how alone he's felt. Yeah, and how he's been walking through life with just so much pain.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it's like, how do you turn the pain into purpose?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So I mean, when you look at someone like that and you come across someone, maybe you have someone in in your life that's angry and you know, got all these this hate in them and they're just mad all the time. Like, there's probably something to that that we don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00:

But we know the saying, hurt people, hurt people. There's nothing more true than that.

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

And then as David Games says, when something frustrates you and you want to react, like someone says something that pisses you off, you want to like just throw it back at them or whatever, your kid has a tantrum and you just want to smack their butt or throw them in their bedroom or whatever, you have to say, pause. What a gift. And like we've been practicing that around here, and it is really freaking hard sometimes.

SPEAKER_04:

So our child is our own test. It's so true.

SPEAKER_00:

Any parent knows this. Um anyways, I just thought we have to do, we were out for a bike ride this afternoon. And I just said, I feel like what if we recorded a podcast today?

SPEAKER_04:

The funny thing is, right when she said that, about not even 10 seconds before, in my head, I was thinking, like, we should do a podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my God, we are maybe the same person. After 25 years together, I guess you start thinking the same thoughts. But picking up my vibes, which is, yeah. I just feel like it was kind of a way to honor, honor her and even honestly, to honor your dad. Because 15 years ago today, he was in a very different headspace, and he could be in that room for another 15 years. But it's like, do you want to stay in that prison in your mind, or do you want to maybe be open to learning something that could help you learn a lesson in all of this?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Even in your 60s and 70s and 80s.

SPEAKER_04:

The neat part about that conversation I had with him was it ended with me giving him a hug. Um and they're, you know, love I love you.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a lot of healing.

SPEAKER_04:

Mm-hmm. Because he had his own ideas of why I didn't want to talk to him too, which are completely fine. Everybody's making up stories. Yeah, everyone's making up stories.

SPEAKER_00:

And believing them. So much to the point that you think they're a fact.

SPEAKER_04:

So when I walked in that room though, to I didn't have I had I dropped every expectation I had about what was going to transpire.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And I think because I did that, I was completely open to wherever it was going to go. And I went to some hard places and I went to some really good places and ended on a good note that I did not see coming.

SPEAKER_00:

That's amazing. I'm so happy that you had that opportunity. Because you could have easily not gone and seen him.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I thought about it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And I was like, well, I might not be back here for uh who knows how many years, and he might he might he might die. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

I just had this thought and I'm just gonna say it because I don't know why it came to my head. Should I say it? We're just talking about September 28th, and it's like you've dealt with and done all this work with your dad to get to this place, and it's like, do you know what else September 28th is?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00:

My mom's birthday.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, right. Yes. I don't know about your mom.

SPEAKER_00:

But just like 11 p.m. No, I have not called her, and I don't actually think I've talked to her since we moved to the island.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, it's just another thing.

SPEAKER_00:

But it's another thing, right? It's like uh in in Kabbalah, they call it a tikcoon. It's like your soul's correction, it's lessons that you have to learn to evolve your soul, to expand, to cr to receive more light. That's another episode, like I said.

SPEAKER_04:

But it's just like another thing, just like my dad. You wanna you're trying to avoid her because every time she comes into your space, it's always something negative.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's a bad note.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it's a bad note. So if you just you can love them from a distance, you just don't have to.

SPEAKER_00:

It's just so weird that all of this is all intertwined up on September 28th.

SPEAKER_04:

It is very weird.

SPEAKER_00:

The one positive, it's our chiropractor's birthday. So that's a positive. Happy birthday, Dr.

SPEAKER_04:

Jeff, if you were listening. I'm sure you will be. Happy birthday, my man.

SPEAKER_00:

Anyways, I feel like we should end it there. That was like Do you feel like there's anything else you want to say?

SPEAKER_04:

Um, I who knows. I mean, the one thing I did want to say is when you know, when I was feeling that pain for my parents, what happens on a level in like your DNA when there's trauma stuff, that there's there's some your your DNA gets imprinted with trauma and stuff. And it carries on through the generations. So stuff that your you know, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents have endured somehow is imprinted in your DNA. I don't know what that looks like, but it's in your DNA.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Because it when you go through trauma, you have a chemical, you know, chemical process is going on in your body, and it can change your DNA and it evolves your DNA when you pass your DNA on.

SPEAKER_00:

Which is why I think doing healing work and sitting and feeling emotions and going and doing the hard stuff is so important, or you just keep passing it on. And I feel like I'm so aware of that now that we have a son.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, like we're not just carrying our own shit. We're carrying stuff that's happened to us in the that's happened to, like you said, our ancestors in the past.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I have friends that say, like, I don't have trauma in my life. Like I had a great childhood, I had I have great parents, I have great relationships. Like I have one of my closest friends has literally on the outside what seems like this picture perfect upbringing and family and relationships, even to this day. But we were talking about this once, and she she basically said, like, talking about this conversation, it's like you have other people's other generations of trauma that you have. Like everybody's got shit to work on if you're open enough to working on it. Everybody.

SPEAKER_01:

Very true.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's just something she hadn't thought of, which is interesting because we we are so accustomed to thinking in like this 3D world and like this is where we are, this is what we've been through, we're fine, we're good. And like a lot of the takcoons, again, which in I guess Hebrew is the soul's correction, is like control. Like, what woman doesn't have a control issue, whether it's keeping their house immaculate and perfectly aesthetic, or it's like making sure their kids' toys are always cleaned up, or I don't know, what are some other weird things?

SPEAKER_04:

You try to control everything, your your hair.

SPEAKER_00:

Aging. Can we make sure we don't get a wrinkle?

SPEAKER_04:

Can we get a wrinkle?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. I mean, that list goes on and on.

SPEAKER_04:

Like it's all the things, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, literally the control is such a hard one, a soul correction that I think more people than not have, especially women. But anyways, hope you guys got something from this episode. And if you think about somebody as you're listening, um, that's probably a sign that they need to hear something, some message from this. So feel free to pass it on. And um, we'll see you on the next episode, which will be sooner than later.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So yeah, lead with love and compassion.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Please do. It feels better. It definitely does feel better.

SPEAKER_00:

And it helps raise the vibration of this beautiful planet, which is the goal of the Love Movement podcast. So thanks for listening, you guys.

SPEAKER_04:

Stay awesome. Love ya. Peace.