The Love Movement
We are starting a movement, centered around love to help raise the vibration of this beautiful planet.
You can expect to hear casual conversations and interviews with some amazing people as we chat about many topics all centered around three main pillars:
Loving Yourself: Explore practical tips, personal stories, and scientific insights on self-love.
Loving Others: Hear inspiring stories of kindness, empathy, and connection. From random acts of love to deep friendships, we celebrate the beauty of human bonds
Loving the Planet: Dive into discussions about environmental consciousness, sustainable living, and our responsibility to care for our beautiful home. Discover how self love extends to nurturing the Earth and creating a more compassionate world.
Tune in to “The Love Movement” and be part of a global shift toward more love, understanding, and positive change.
The Love Movement
Ep 7:Choosing Yourself: Lessons in Love and Self-Discovery with Kelsey
We dive into conversations about relationships and Self-Love with Brittany's cousin Kelsey.
Ever wondered how long you should wait between relationships or how to recognize when one has run its course? Kelsey opens up about the lies we tell ourselves to stay in failing relationships and the importance of self-worth in making those tough decisions. We dive into personal stories about losing oneself in a relationship and the critical notion of choosing oneself to avoid self-abandonment. It's a candid, introspective look at how self-awareness and readiness are more important than any prescribed timeline.
Love is complex, and we tackle its multifaceted nature by examining how it manifests differently across partnerships. From the impact of minor habits on compatibility to the transformative power of self-awareness and supportive friendships, this episode covers it all. We even share our favorite books that guided us on a path of self-discovery and personal growth. Whether you're navigating love, enduring breakups, or seeking personal growth, this episode promises valuable insights and practical tools to help you on your journey.
Links....
The Mastery of Love - Miguel Ruiz
Your word is your wand - Florence Scovel Shinn
Dr. Joe Dispenza
Kelsey's Instagram
you're listening to the love movement with your hosts britney and brian johnston.
Speaker 2:We're starting a movement centered around love to help raise the vibration of this beautiful planet.
Speaker 1:If that's your vibe, hang out with us as we chat about many topics all centered around three main pillars Loving yourself, loving each other and loving the planet. So if you're ready, let's jump in. I can't with Brian's intro. I think we need to start doing video so you guys can see how ridiculous this guy is before we start our podcast.
Speaker 2:Definitely extra.
Speaker 1:Welcome to our first interview.
Speaker 2:And who do? We got today.
Speaker 1:Well, it's definitely somebody you're not expecting and you're going to love this one. We don't know what we're talking about, but we have a general idea. We're talking to my little cousin, kelsey Howdy, and, yeah, we're going to start doing more interviews, but this, this is a test thanks for being our getting big, you bet, and on this podcast we're gonna talk about self-love, breakups and moving on and I feel like we've been here to witness a lot of that with kelsey it's.
Speaker 2:It's been a drama from the sidelines. Who've been watching this drama?
Speaker 3:you're welcome, but brian has been here for the entire adventure yeah, every phase of it.
Speaker 2:From the first tooth of yours I pulled out to you know all the boyfriends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all the in-betweens, it's true. What were you going to say?
Speaker 2:Just, I don't know. I feel like this is girl talk and I'm just here to fill in the spaces in between. Give us the men's perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, this is Kelsey. Was like aren't we practicing more? I'm like no, this is just a conversation, and the best part about Kelsey is she's usually pretty witty, so whatever comes out of her mouth is going to be exactly what's supposed to come out of her mouth.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I wanted you to just tell the listeners a little bit about you and, like you know, we're cousins. Not all cousins are close. I feel like you're more of like what do we call each other Sister cousins, sister cousins, so like tell the people. Tell the people why am I your favorite cousin. Okay.
Speaker 3:Bold question. Well, we're so close because you moved in with us when I was five and you were my favorite person. I was telling her stories how I used to follow her around and I just wanted her to love everything that I loved, and I loved everything she loved. Like Hammy Jones, I was like an animal. I was like me first, and then, of course, brian. I don't know Brittany without Brian, which is a weird thought to have Ever since you guys, you were 15 and you were 16?.
Speaker 2:I was 17.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that's why we're so close. You're my favorite cousin Cause you always gave me hand-me-downs um, which built a really strong foundation for that just carried us through.
Speaker 2:That's why you come around so often.
Speaker 3:That's why I come around so often, just in case there's a scrap that I can grab. Oh my, gosh. And then Brian, of course. I've been here for a week and I've had supper every single night. It's been a dream truly, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Not many people can just have your unlimited amounts of time, but you are one of those people.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're an easy person to have around Kelsey.
Speaker 1:You're definitely an easy person to have around, so tell us a little bit what do you want people to know about you before we jump into?
Speaker 3:you know the topic oh boy, it's a loaded question that is a loaded question um what do I want people to know about me?
Speaker 1:do you want to talk about when you were like four and you were already in love with yourself? I?
Speaker 3:wish it was a video. Yeah, yeah I. Yeah, I've always loved myself, always been a free spirit. Just kind of go with the flow. Everybody loves Kelsey, always kind of changing what I'm doing, who. I am Just figuring it all out, yeah, trying not to take it all too serious.
Speaker 1:I have to tell you guys a funny story though. When Kelsey was, I think you were four and she had I don't know if you even know those little shirts that they look like a doll shirt and they're all sort of like crunched up and then you put them on a body that stretch out. I don't know how to describe that shirt. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Do you have a better description?
Speaker 1:It's like very 90s, very 90s, it was purple.
Speaker 1:A scrunchie shirt, kind of like a scrunchie shirt. You're four years old, keep in mind, so like six months older than marty, just to put that into perspective, since you've been hanging out with him all week and you said does this make my boobs look big? And I died. And I just feel like that little like kelsey spirit of when you were four is just like still who you are at 28. Yeah, you're not worried about if your boobs are big, though, but Because they are, I know you can't see, but they are.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. No, but one thing that we can, I guess, like we have a lot of similarities. I feel like more people probably think we're sisters than cousins. But one thing that we can't speak to on this podcast, brian and I, is the breakup piece of things, because we have never broken up and we don't have that to offer. But you have, boy, have I done that? But this is more relatable to people and we're going to circle this around and bring it back to, like, the concept of self-love, because you have, like I said, always had this level of self-love, no matter what you have gone through or relationships that you've been in. So, first of all, I think people listening might be wondering okay, you're 28 years old, how many breakups have there really been? Like what would you consider?
Speaker 3:I would say three breakups for sure that were like impacted you?
Speaker 1:yeah, okay, and we're not gonna like name names or go into details here. No, but would you say that there is like some kind of common thread in any of these breakups?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say, like infidelity is the common thread, or cheating, or lack of trust.
Speaker 2:That's on the other side.
Speaker 3:Their side. I've never cheated on anyone, yeah.
Speaker 1:We're taking applications, if anybody would like to go on a date with Kelsey Just kidding, We'll post her profile show notes.
Speaker 3:And her big boobs. Yeah, you know about my boobs now. Yeah, that's the common thread.
Speaker 1:Okay, so where do you want to start with this? Because I feel like I don't want to go into necessarily detail, but I just feel like what perspective can you offer to people listening that might be going through a breakup but don't know how to like move on from it? Right, because you I feel like I'm not saying it was never hard, you've always had a transition period. That's hard, but I feel like you always kind of come out better and stronger and then it's like this other great relationship, like we're all sort of like a leveling up kind of relationship yeah.
Speaker 3:I think the first breakup I ever had like really shook me. But I think I tied a lot of my identity into that relationship. So it's like what I was going to college for and how I pictured my life was like wrapped up in that relationship. And when that ended I was like 19. Like I wasn't very old. All of a sudden I was like wait, like who am I? What do I actually want to do? Like I dropped out of nursing school because I was like wait, like who am I? What do I actually want to do?
Speaker 3:Like I dropped out of nursing school because I was like well, that was crazy that I tried that and had to like figure out my identity. And each time it was kind of in a place where I had to get like better and better at figuring that out. So then the second one I was at a position where I didn't really have a career. I couldn't support myself. I was in a city that like I didn't really know myself and again I was like, okay, I know who I am, but I can't support myself. Then the last one I'm now in a place where I know who I am, I have a career, I'm like good on my own.
Speaker 3:So each time I feel like I took the lessons with me and applied them to the next relationship, um, but I think those times in between it was just a great opportunity to be. Like you can't be in that position again, like you have to figure that out. For one it's your identity, for the next it's finances, because that's a big reason people stay. That's a big reason, you know, I thought about like I can't live here by myself, like I have a like a minimum wage job, like what am I going to do? And that was scary. But I think, just like knowing who I am and what I have to offer, I've just like never been scared to figure it out. And this is also maybe wild to say, but like lots of times I remind myself like no one's getting out of here alive, like it's not that deep, which like is maybe like a stretch, but it's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like it's you know, at the end of the day, it is what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I think that's really relatable to people because there are, like you said, a lot of people that stay in relationships for far too long and a lot of the times it is for finances.
Speaker 2:Especially relationships for far too long, um, and a lot of the times it is from finances, especially with women. Yeah, do you feel like these relationships like held you back from finding your true self? Or was it like the in between where you're like, okay, now I know who I am a little bit more, and then you got in a relationship and then it was kind of like pause on kelsey and then that one ended and now you're discovering yourself a little more, or how did that go?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think like the first relationship was definitely a pause on Kelsey or like putting myself into a box of like who I thought I should be. And then the other relationships that I were in, like one was a big discovery period where it's like I just explored everything. I traveled, I moved to a new city, I had a bunch of different jobs, I made new friends, so there was a lot of discovery in that. But I still didn't like have like in the core I know who I am, but not so much like as an adult, like you know what are my hobbies now as an adult, or like what kind of people do I want to be with? Like that kind of stuff. But that was a lot of discovery.
Speaker 3:The in-betweens is like the hard growth, the things that you don't want to think about, like why don't I want to be alone, like why am I not progressing in my career? Like the hard things I feel like came in the in-between. But the during like I still feel like maybe that's something that people miss is like you don't stop.
Speaker 2:you keep growing and keep discovering and don't hold back just because you're in a relationship do you feel like you wanted to grow when you're in the relationships and you felt like held back a little bit?
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely in certain aspects, Like in one maybe I held back on like because you want to compromise in a relationship, right, if you think that this is going to be your person, you're like okay, maybe it's not smart to like pack up my life and move across the country if we're going to try and make this work and that's not your end goal. So there's definitely like compromise, um, and I think it's just like human nature to like try and make it work when you really love someone, um, but I think like you can still grow in a relationship and that's like 100% what you should do, because if I didn't grow in those relationships, like I mean, I got my finances figured out in a relationship and so, like you have to keep figuring those things out, regardless of where you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good questions, brian. Yeah, thanks, you thought this was girl talk. Yeah, good questions, brian. Yeah, thanks, you thought this was girl talk. A lot of things that you were saying. I was just like thinking of other questions to ask you because I feel like you are someone who you like really know your self-worth and that's why I think you don't stay stuck in a relationship when you know it's sort of like run its course. Is there like a signal or a thing that you like when you realize it's like nearing the end? Because I guess I'm trying to figure out how do we help people that are maybe don't know how to figure out what that is right.
Speaker 3:If you are listening to this podcast, you know it's like a pet in your stomach in a relationship you know okay, and lots of times you lie to yourself and you're like, yeah, I know, but it's a tough period I was just gonna ask that how much do you lie to yourself to?
Speaker 2:say like this is where I should be, but deep down you're like no, this actually isn't where I should be, you know things are gonna get better.
Speaker 3:Think as soon as he quits doing xyz, or as soon as he starts doing xyz, or as soon as we get the new house, or as soon as we get this finances in order. Like you're lying to yourself, I know, in one of my relationships I knew, but people kept telling me like the opposite of what I felt. So I like made myself believe it. But you know and you can call yourself out Like you know, when you're lying or it feels heavy, it's off. You know, for me I struggled between like having empathy and like wanting to make it work and wanting to help them through a tough period. But then like like choosing myself. And I think for me that breaking point is always when I start losing myself, like when I start feeling like I'm nagging or I'm procrastinating or I'm feeling tired or not. You know myself, that's when I call it off, that's when I'm like now it's going deeper. But you know, you always know.
Speaker 1:Well, this thing just came to my head. I had to write it down as we were talking. But I feel like every time you don't choose yourself, you're abandoning yourself 100%. That was a good one-liner, hey, yep, write that down. People, heavy hitter, heavy hitter, yeah. So I don't know, like, do you feel and this is maybe kind of shifting the question but getting older, I mean, you're getting older, you're? Close to 20, relax 28, yeah, I said 28, did I say just in case, someone thought she said 20.
Speaker 1:Um, do you feel like now dating? Well, a couple questions like should there be a certain amount of time in between relationships, because I'm always like, or is it just like you know when you're ready, you know when you're ready and this is funny because a lot of people said this to me I did take a couple years.
Speaker 3:Like for what? Like, like. What's the difference between me taking two months and doing some, like radical self-discovery and growth and like whatever, and someone taking three years and doing nothing? There's like, just because they took three years, that's the same, I think, knowing yourself enough to know like, am I ready? I mean, I've been in between breakups and in situations where it's like I'm maybe talking to someone and I feel myself get really attached, but I know it's like I'm just trying to fill a void right of like feeling empty and like this person isn't actually you know the love of my life. It's just me feeling empty and like this person isn't actually you know the love of my life. It's just me feeling empty. So just knowing yourself enough, okay.
Speaker 1:So now, you brought up another question in my mind love, because I've only ever been in love with brian, yeah, so like when you're in, say, these three different relationships and you love those people. It's like I guess the question to be more than one kid, like, can you love all your kids the same or different? Like it's like that, like, is the love the same, is it different?
Speaker 2:like, how does that work? Yeah, does your love grow in the different?
Speaker 3:it's so relationships like so different. Like one is very like poppy love and you're just like excited and like it's the first time you've ever really gone on dates and it's all like new and exciting. One is like fun and adventurous and like you're getting a thrill, like you're doing the most and the craziest things and it's fun. And then one is like probably what you guys feel like safe and like secure and like you know like they've got you. So it's different loves. But it's just like if you have like three best friends, they're not my best friends, but like right.
Speaker 3:They all kind of serve a different purpose.
Speaker 1:So what are you looking for and like, is that changing now that you're getting, you know, closer to 30?
Speaker 3:Okay, you have to quit saying that I'm like 20, something 28.
Speaker 2:In your mid upper 20s In your mid upper 20s.
Speaker 3:I don't think it's changing. I'm also not in like a rush, like I don't feel like, okay, I need to have kids, or like I need to like get a house or I need to do all these things. I don't feel in a rush for any of that, but I feel like, yeah, it is changing. Like I think when you're young you're just like this guy's so hot and they're like dumb as a potato, but you're like whatever he's hot, now it's like whatever.
Speaker 2:On top of changing, have any relationships the person that you started dating or you were falling in love with? Did they become a different person in the relationship than they were before?
Speaker 3:A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Like you're like oh, this is actually how they are. I thought they were this way, but now they're this way, Like good or bad, though.
Speaker 3:Well, both ways, good and bad. Like one where you're like who is this person? Like they get comfortable and they let the wall down. They're like okay, I don't have to pretend I don't know if you remember the scene from Cat in the Hat? Like not, the cartoon got like a belly band. He takes it off and the button pops and like his belly pops out and like he's a piece of pizza this is me like that's how sometimes it feels.
Speaker 3:It's like they let their guard down, but also in a good way. It's like if you're gonna fight for me, you have to figure out xyz, and sometimes they do, and that's great, they change in a good way or you change together, but definitely like sometimes they get comfortable and it gets weird.
Speaker 1:Well, and change is inevitable. I mean, like, think of us, like tomorrow is our 24 year dating anniversary, yeah, and like we are not the same people.
Speaker 2:No, not even close to the same people.
Speaker 1:Not even two years ago.
Speaker 2:But we've grown together like in parallel.
Speaker 1:So do you think that that's maybe like, like why did that happen for us versus why is it not for you? Like is it like you just haven't found that person to grow with? Did you find you were growing with them or were you growing at different?
Speaker 3:I think like one definitely growing at different paces and one like growing very similarly, but then realizing like that's not what I think I want, like you want something else than what I want, and then saying that's okay too right. So like maybe, yeah, just not like finding someone who's going in the same direction as I'm going.
Speaker 2:That makes sense yeah, I think you have to be aligned with the person that you're going to spend your time with, like especially in values and similar goals. You can have your own interests, you can have your own hobbies Absolutely but you should be going the same general direction in life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're talking kids, we're talking. Where do you want to live? Is it important to be close to your parents? Are you good with moving away?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a lot of factors.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of factors.
Speaker 3:There's a bunch of different things that you need to talk about Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like it's harder, like being? I keep coming back to your age?
Speaker 3:No, because I'm so pretty. It's not hard in these streets.
Speaker 1:I just feel like when I was 15, these were not conversations we had Like that would be dumb. We didn't think about that. We just we just were together. We knew we were together and maybe know exactly what you want, but the next person doesn't. So it's like you just immediately call it off like this is a waste of my time.
Speaker 3:no, second date like yes and no, I think for me because I am like like kind of like a free spirit, like I could live anywhere and be happy. I could, you know, do whatever and be fine because I know who, like I am as a person and that was a big lesson is like home is within me. Man, that was like the hardest lesson. Um, like that's not a huge factor to me. I'm not like set that I need to be in swift current like that's not a factor, so it makes it easier.
Speaker 3:But the hard thing is like when you move in with someone and you're like, oh, your dish is in the morning type of person, like that's not gonna work, like those things right, that would not work so the big things aren't an issue for me, but like the small things, I'm like oh, we don't do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, I could definitely see that. So, on the topic of like, because you keep choosing you, obviously you're getting out of relationships. That doesn't mean the person was like it was bad or negative or anything, but like you're choosing to choose yourself and to move forward to the next thing. So you have that level of like, self-love and self-worthiness. First of all, like, where did that come from?
Speaker 3:Like I don't know. I don't remember ever a time where it wasn't like you're the prettiest girl at the party, like I've always had so much confidence.
Speaker 1:But in a humble way, like you're not the person that would be like. No, like I say this in a humble way.
Speaker 3:Like you're not the person that would be. Like no, like I say this in a joking way. Like I don't really think I'm the prettiest girl at the party, but like I don't like walking into a room full of people. I'm not like okay. Or like are these boots weird with this pant? Like what's my hair doing?
Speaker 1:like you're not concerned like I'm not worried about that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I never have been you just do you yeah, yeah I feel like that's everybody loves you. Obviously, um, what? What does self-love mean to you? Because I feel like this means something different for everybody. Yeah, what would?
Speaker 3:you say, and for me, when I was like in my like teen years, like 16, 19, figuring it out, it was like very external, like people would say like oh, you're so funny or you're fun to have around, or like I was good at doing hair and makeup. Like it was very external. Now it's very like internal, and self-love to me is just like the home is inside which like was the toughest lesson to learn.
Speaker 3:I remember I always had anxiety attacks because I needed, like I didn't feel like I had a home and I was kind of bouncing around, I was like at my parents and at SIDS and in Ontario and kind of all over the place and I just kept having panic attacks. And then when I realized, like home is inside, then it's like that's where my self-love comes from, is like who I am as a person, like I know that I'll show up for my friends, I know that I'll take care of myself financially, I know I'll make the good decision for myself and I'm still funny and good at hair and makeup. Like now it's very like internal about how I feel about myself and like that I'll take care of myself where did you learn that?
Speaker 1:to take care of myself?
Speaker 3:no, like that, home isn't within you um, it was I don't even know if, like, I learned it from somewhere or just like crying after a breakup, which always happens and it's okay to be really, really sad. I was just like crying because I kept having these panic attacks and I lost like so much weight and I couldn't figure it out and I was just like journaling and meditating and doing Reiki and trying to figure out what was the problem. And I think it was that I like felt so unstable, like I felt like I didn't know where I was going to go next, and then I just had to like come to the realization of, like you've got to figure it out and I don't know, I just figured it out, that I've just got to be okay.
Speaker 1:I love that do you have any other questions?
Speaker 2:I just feel like when a person really wants to like level up in any area of their life, they're going to be tested in some way and they're going to be shown. It's not like, oh, I want this and it just comes easy. The universe throws you some hard stuff so you grow from it.
Speaker 3:That's 100% it. I remember crying once and I was like, why is this all happening to me? The universe throws you some hard stuff so you grow from it. That's 100% it. I remember crying once and I was like, why is this all happening to me? And I found an old journal and I wrote what I wanted in my dream life and it was like none of it is where I was at and it literally all had to be ripped away and I was like, oh my bad, that hurt pretty bad, but that's literally what I asked for. And the universe was like okay, then we have to get rid of all these other things. Yeah Right.
Speaker 1:You just have to take it and level up. So what are some like? Do you have actual tools or tangible things that like either you did or that you would encourage other people to do if they're like going through this season?
Speaker 3:Yeah, first choose yourself. Like the worst, the best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The next best time is right now. So if you're feeling like I don't know if this is how it's supposed to be, or I don't know if this is my person, or I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or even like a job or a city, like any of that, trust yourself. Like that's number one is like you can't move forward if you're not trusting yourself because you're the tour guide. Like you got to take yourself on this tour. So that's step one. And then step two, like it really depends on where you are.
Speaker 3:So, like for me and this was wild I would like get naked and dance and sing and like tell myself that I left myself in my bedroom because I just felt like a skeleton. I didn't know who I was. I felt so out of place in my body. No-transcript season that helped me. And then listen to yourself, talk like really listen to it. So for me, I would set timers on my phone and like it would kind of like pull you out of whatever headspace you were in and like just take them in and be like hey, what was I just thinking about and like kind of check in with yourself, cause it's like fun to say that, but then you forget about it. Some self-awareness, yeah, that's a really good tip.
Speaker 3:You just like forget that you're supposed to be doing that and so set like I had like five yourself on walks, like start doing things that are good for you. Even if it sucks, like don't think about it, just do it. Walk, drink your water, like just do things that are good for you. And then start doing things so that you can trust yourself, because I think that's a big one. It's like, whether it's I'll never find someone else or I financially need this or what's going to happen with xyz, like a lot of that I think comes from not trusting yourself. Like not trusting that financially you'll be okay, or not trusting that you'll find a better person. Yeah, so start doing things that will help you trust yourself. So like, if you tell yourself that you're going to go on the walk, go on the walk, right. If you tell yourself you're going to eat healthy, eat healthy. If you tell yourself you're going to find a better job, like find a better job, just start doing that it's good stuff, feels like it's easier said than done.
Speaker 1:I feel like every day I'm like tomorrow I'm not eating the rice crispy cake well, that's just lying to yourself be honest, okay, okay that's when I said like be honest with yourself, I'm gonna eat the records of you, but I'm just not gonna feel like shit about it.
Speaker 3:Also, I think the last thing I'll say about that is giving yourself permission. Like so many times it was like okay, it's been three months like quit crying, but it's like no, I'm sad, I'm gonna cry like honor. Or I do feel like a taco tonight, like I am going to go get a taco.
Speaker 2:Like give yourself permission. You can't hold those emotions in, because that's not healthy either.
Speaker 3:Not at all, but like, don't deprive yourself of like the human emotions, yeah, and like how you feel.
Speaker 2:Like trauma, has stuck energy in your body, if you if you hold it inside you, it's going to present somewhere down the line with your next partner. So you're just giving yourself permission to let this energy move through you and out. So the next time you're in a relationship you're not bringing that old stuff in absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3:That's why I needed to dance is because that felt like it was getting through yeah, yeah, for sure it was.
Speaker 1:It's definitely moving energy. So what are you excited about in the future?
Speaker 2:Well, I want to ask oh, okay, I want to ask if you have anything you're currently doing to attract or manifest your perfect partner, or if you have an idea of who that person is Not specifically the person, but the kind of person and the qualities, the lifestyle. They have Like, do you?
Speaker 3:I think I have like a rough idea of like what I want, but I also need to get more clear on like what I specifically want. Um, I think, like attracting them, I'm just, like, more so than ever, doing whatever I want. Like I got a dog, I got another dog. I like wanted to go on a trip. I went on a trip. I want to extend it, I'll extend it. I wanted to get a green velvet couch I got the green. Like I'm just doing things that like I really want to do. Yeah, I'm feeling like I'm being really authentic in it, versus like trying to set myself up for marriage. But lots of like meditation and visualization and like figuring out where I want to go. I think I've been like floating around for a while. You've been out here a couple of times.
Speaker 1:I try to bring you our way.
Speaker 3:I think I'll keep floating around, but I want someone who's like fun and loyal.
Speaker 2:That accepts your dogs.
Speaker 3:Well, obviously that was a given package deal. Package deal mean two dogs um one and a half. I share custody, but I think those are my main ones, like loyal, someone who's fun and then someone who's also goal orientated, career, career driven. Yeah, I would love if someone retired me, because working is not for me. No, I'm just kidding. I love my job, I love working, but we're going to get a lot of messages. But I'm tired, I'm tired.
Speaker 1:I'm 28. I'm tired.
Speaker 3:I've been slaving for 10 years now. Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:So why don't you tell me a little bit, if you can go into detail, of like one of your lowest points in this like in-between?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my lowest point was after a relationship, obviously, and I was the thinnest I'd ever been, and it was so ironic because everyone kept like complimenting me, being like you look so good, and I was like I was one of them, yeah, and I was so ironic because everyone kept like complimenting me, being like you look so good, and I was like I was one of them, yeah, and I was like thanks, I feel like a bag of smashed assholes, like I'm just trying to survive out here, and it was so bad I couldn't keep anything in, like I would wake up and I wouldn't eat until I felt like I would have like the shakes and feel really lightheaded and then have like a smoothie until, like I felt like that again and not on purpose, like I wanted to eat. I was like crying, I wanted to eat so bad, but I just couldn't. I was so anxious and so I kept losing weight. My skin was bad, but people kept complimenting me and telling me like how good I looked and I was like dying inside and finally I just decided like I don't know what else to do and so I just started to like I said get naked, lotion my body, like look at my body, tell myself that I loved myself, started to like feel at home again, cause I really felt like I couldn't trust my body. It was like if someone wanted to go on a walk I would be like I might fall over, like I don't know. Like I was, wow, so malnourished and so, yeah, that's what I started doing was just like looking at myself and like looking in my eyes and looking at how I looked and like getting okay with it and, um, meditating and reading and just doing things that made me feel better, even if it was like waking up, wash my hair and like curling it, like that made me feel prettier and like better and doing those like kind of superficial things to get me out of it, and then also just like having a good support system. So after that I've got the best friends and like I just started doing fun things with them and at first I don't know if anyone can relate to this Like I remember I was going to a concert and I was in a party bus and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and that's the worst feeling to have when you're out is like you might start panicking and that sucked.
Speaker 3:But then the next weekend again I was just like what are we doing? Like I was just getting myself out of the house and slowly but surely started like having fun again and feeling better and eating more. And just like kept looking at myself naked in the mirror and telling myself I loved myself and journaling and slowly but surely like got myself back out of that hole and gaining weight again and now I feel better. I'm probably the best I've ever felt, but I'm probably like 10 pounds heavier than I was at that time.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's so funny because, like I'm opposite, where I feel like I've had problems with my weight since I had my son. So it's like all I would want to do is like lose those 10 pounds, but it's so crazy that you were like the skinniest you've ever been, but you felt the worst. And I think just that, like activity alone, where you literally just get naked and dance around, lotion yourself, talk to yourself, see yourself, is something that, regardless if you're in a breakup or not, it's just the relationship that you have.
Speaker 3:That's a huge, just self-love thing connecting with your body and I think what it was was like one. I felt so disconnected from my body. But the other thing, too, is like I felt skinny and like, yeah, clothes look great on me, I could wear anything. I wasn't thinking about anything like that, but I didn't feel like strong. Right like we went on a hike and like I wasn't worried about like can I make it through this hike? Right. Like and now, like during that hike, like I was just thinking like how awesome that I can do this, or like how great that we get to be out here today. Or how I kept saying to Marty, like your dad's the best, I'll carry you on his back. Yeah, and it's like why do we care about like a little pooch or whatever, like arm flab? It's like you just have to like change your perspective of how you look. Yeah. Or like what you are thankful for your body for.
Speaker 1:Well what you are thankful for your body for well, and it's just like our soul's vessel. And I remember when our grandma died, like in 2018 I'll never, still never forget laying like standing all around her body after she passed, and some of the family was like, should we take turns and like talk to her? And brian and I were a couple of the last people that had like a conversation with her before she passed that night. My biggest regret is not recording that conversation, but anyways, I just remember thinking like I don't need to have a conversation with her and this body because she's not in this body anymore, like I just it was so like the disconnect was so obvious. And after that, I just remember thinking about life so differently because I was like grandma's not in that body, like she's passed on, her soul is like out of her body.
Speaker 1:That was just her vessel yeah like, yes, I'll miss her soft skin. I feel like I'm sure you feel, because you just smell her still is like out of her body. That was just her vessel. Yeah, like, yes, I'll miss her soft skin. I feel like I'm sure you feel like you just smell her still and like her perfect wrinkles, like she's like nice wrinkles you know, I was just gonna say that's.
Speaker 3:The other thing is, if you think about the people that you love the most, yeah, it's like her soft wrinkles, or like how good a hug feels from them. Yeah, or whatever it is, it's not like her. But good Lord, if she got rid of that muffin top Exactly, I'm sure it would be a lot better.
Speaker 2:You're not judging them at all, you're just accepting them Exactly.
Speaker 1:And I just remember thinking like why do we put so much emphasis on our physical shell that we're just here to experience life in as the soul, when, like same thing, no one's looking at me, even even if I feel more insecure in my body? No one's looking at me like, oh well, she's not worthy of that, because look at her, she's gained 10 pounds and she had her kid.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, and it's just like we need to remember that the most ourself yeah, and I think getting in touch with your body, like feeling connected to all of it, is one way to do that.
Speaker 1:That's such a good tip. I feel like there's anything you got out of this whole podcast. It's like that one tip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just I feel like the more you realize that you're an infinite being and like where you actually come from, not like your mom, but like you come from source, you're made of this infinite energy you can love yourself more. 100, because your energy, you're not like this body, is just a thing that we're expressing ourselves through.
Speaker 1:It's not who we really are at our core and also our soul, chose this body that we each have to experience this life in.
Speaker 3:That's exactly so, like love, the body that you chose and am I not going to enjoy, you know, going out with friends because I can't find an outfit to wear, because, like, the pants are too tight. It's like, no, I'm gonna have the experience. And like being an infinite being also like how cool, like that you have legs that can take you on hikes and eyes that can see. And like, like I, you don't get out of it alive, so like, don't miss out on it, cause you're 10 pounds more than what you want to be. Oh, it's so true.
Speaker 2:Nothing feels heavier than that low vibration of like shame and guilt and self-judgment, and just like it just feels so gross.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a whole other podcast for all the postpartum moms, because, my god, that has been, for sure, my biggest um struggle and journey last three and a half years. For sure, yeah, um, but yeah, that's an awesome tip. I love that that you did that and helped you get out of that. How long of a time frame was that for you? Do you think it's probably like two months, two months?
Speaker 2:it was intentional two months, like you didn't want to stay there. You weren't. We've been self-pity.
Speaker 3:You were like the last month of the relationship is when it really started happening and there was like that rapid weight loss and kind of like what I said. It's like I know to leave when it starts affecting me and that's what it was.
Speaker 3:It started affecting me and so I left and then after that it was like two months of like intentional, like I do not want to feel like this, I do not want to do this. I've got to figure it out. So that's what it was. Was that? And I think it was like a buildup of, I mean, self-love we talk about our bodies but a lot of it was like financial anxiety. Like I didn't have a job for a month. I was just like like I'm glad we planned on going on a trip, so I had a lot of savings for the trip and I lived off that Like financially, I didn't have a plan when I was going to live. I didn't have a plan, I didn't like my body. It was all of that. That for two months I got really serious about like how do I never get in this position again? And that's what it was.
Speaker 2:You said some books. Do you have any specific books that?
Speaker 3:helped you. Can I pull it up? Is that cheating?
Speaker 1:No, you're allowed to.
Speaker 3:This is your podcast. You guys can make the rules. We make all the rules here. I don't know if I actually have this one downloaded. It's the Mastery of Love. That's one that's so, so good. If you haven't read that, it's Miguel Such a short, that's so so good if you haven't read that is miguel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, such a short, short read, but so good. Um, another one. It and it kind of depends on like what, what floats your boat, what tickles your pickle, the like I've said it a couple times like you don't make it, make it out alive, like sometimes, if I feel too like microscopic, I take a big picture and I'm like I'm literally on a floating rock, like you're okay, a really good one, for that is. Um, the world is your wand. It just really talks about like energy and like being, and like it really takes you a big picture. That one's really good as well.
Speaker 1:Um, we'll link these in the show notes if anybody wants to yeah, I'm writing them down access them.
Speaker 3:Also dolores cannon, anything by her, the convoluted universe is really good again, just kind of a different thought process to kind of shake it up if you're feeling stuck yeah, you've been all about dolores cannon and you really got me on her and I can't stop listening to her. Yeah, it's just good for her. You can't unhear the things that she tells you.
Speaker 1:No, what a good person Like shift on how you think about everything so much, because I think so much. We're just like put in a box of how we should think about things always, and it's not always like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, one more, and it's not a book recommendation.
Speaker 1:It's an yeah, if you feel out of control.
Speaker 2:Listen to him. Brian, you're a huge dr joe fan. What would you say for books? Um man, he's got so many books. You're the placebo breaking the habit of being yourself you were supernatural yeah, uh, becoming supernatural becoming supernatural yeah, and then he's got so many meditations, um, like you could go down a massive rabbit hole with all sorts of stuff that's.
Speaker 1:A goal of mine is to go to one of his seminars yeah, and do seven day intensive with him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amazing it's like a great thing about personal growth and discovery, is like you're always on the journey, and I think that's where, when you said, the partner that you want to have is goal oriented and probably on that same path with you, like that's probably one of the best things about our relationship, I would say, is like we love that stuff, like going to seminars and like reading books and talking about them and I mean, if you're not, if you're not growing, you're dying.
Speaker 2:And what a better way to give yourself, like self-love is the gift of knowledge and understanding, and, like you, pass it on to people right, yeah, along your way, exploring adventuring the world's so big and fun, like there's so many things to do yeah, so many avenues, infinite, infinite, infinite. Yeah, stop learning when you did exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the one other thing that I would say about, like you asked me about what kind of relationship I want. I think it's a blessing and a curse that my examples have been you guys. Like I said, I don't know britney without brian also my parents, very like you guys, have very different relationships, but they're still happily married and so, like lots of times, I don't put up with it, because I've seen what it can be like.
Speaker 1:It's like don't settle. That makes sense yeah.
Speaker 2:So if someone doesn't have a role model like that, like a couple that they can look up to in their immediate family or something, I think they should find someone Well.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking about that Like a perspective, something to model, because we didn't have that yet we found it Well, we kind of just did the opposite of what we were shown.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you also had mom and dad, like you've seen, healthy relationships. Yes, for sure Like find like a couple that you like listening to, on podcasts Like the love movement.
Speaker 1:Like the love movement. Yeah, you can like I.
Speaker 3:Like the love movement. Like the love movement. Yeah, I feel like there's examples everywhere. Mine was like right in my face, right, but there's examples everywhere. Or, like Brian said, just do the opposite. Yeah, yeah 100%.
Speaker 1:Well, that's amazing. Any other questions there, Brian?
Speaker 2:No, I mean, this could go a thousand different ways, but I think we, I think we got the gist of it. You asked the, the main question what does self-love mean to you? And I think we can.
Speaker 1:We can wrap it up we can raise the vibration if everybody just takes some of these tips into their own journeys, because everybody's going through it, everyone and everybody has that in between, and it's what are you going to do with the in between? Are you going to binge all the garbage tv that's on netflix? Or are you going to, like do the inside work that, take yourself for the walk, you know, go to bed early, like drink the water, the things that you said, to build that trust with yourself, to like make the next relationship even better. So you know, whoever you're going to end up with is lucky to have you. Amen, and I also too I was saying this to you when we were chatting. It's like, probably whoever you're supposed to be with has just been unavailable for the last how long, like you don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know what if he's 40?
Speaker 1:You feel like that's old. Well not old.
Speaker 3:Not old at all, but maybe for me, unless he's got a youthful heart. If you are 40 with a youthful heart or any age under upper mid-20s. We're talking like 25 to 35 okay, we're talking like dogs I love it well.
Speaker 1:Thanks, kelsey, for being on the podcast and being our first official guest. So much. I hope you guys got some value out of this and thanks for being here yeah, you guys stay awesome.